In the beginning, it almost felt like meditation, yoga, and other mindfulness activities only made my panic attacks worse. The more I focused on them, the more intense they seemed to get. That was incredibly confusing and frustrating. Why would something that is supposed to help you find more peace and balance cause such strong emotions and physical reactions? However, over time, I learned that this was actually a good sign, as contradictory as that sounds.
Before I started practicing meditation and yoga, I lived almost entirely in my head. My thoughts were endless. I was barely aware of my body, except when I was in pain. Yoga and meditation have helped me step out of my head more often and focus my attention on my body. But that transition wasn’t easy.
What I didn’t realize was that my body had been sending me signals all along, which I had been ignoring. Through mindfulness, I finally learned to notice those signals. And honestly, I found that terrifying. Some sensations made me think I was going to faint, which could trigger a panic attack. I became more aware of different sensations.
Take, for example, the simple caffeine kick from coffee. In the past, I wouldn’t have noticed it, but now it could completely throw me off balance. Or the ‘out-of-body’ feeling after a day filled with stimuli, as if I was no longer fully connected with myself. The idea of leaning into those feelings instead of running away from them initially seemed absurd. My instinct was to say, “Get rid of it! Don’t think about it!”
But the interesting thing is that feeling – truly being present with what’s happening in your body – turned out to be the key. Through meditation and yoga, you learn to deal with discomfort and not immediately panic. Instead, I now try to observe it without judgment. It’s like learning a new language – the language of your body. You learn to listen without immediately reacting.
The panic attacks are still there sometimes, but they now feel less overwhelming because I have a better understanding of where they come from. I now understand that those attacks are actually my body communicating with me. It’s a signal that I need to pay attention to something – maybe I’m overstimulated, maybe I haven’t slept enough, maybe I’m avoiding something, or maybe I just drank coffee. And that’s exactly what mindfulness has given me: not running away from fear, but a different way of dealing with it.
The process of living more in your body and getting out of your head is not without challenges. It requires courage and patience, but it ultimately brings so much more peace. I no longer see my panic attacks as an enemy, but as a teacher. They tell me that I’m alive, that I feel, and that I’m growing.
Mindfulness is not the magical answer to everything, but it has helped me create a deeper connection with myself. In that connection, I find more peace, even in moments of chaos. Although it’s a journey with ups and downs, the trend is on the rise!