While driving, I am prone to panic attacks, often accompanied by a sense of derealization.
It feels as though everything around me is unreal, yet at the same time, I am acutely aware of how vulnerable I am.
One turn of the wheel to the left could mean a head-on collision with an oncoming vehicle.
The thought that the oncoming driver, in turn, holds my life in their hands makes it even more frightening. I especially experience this while driving at high speeds, on roads of 80 km/h or faster.
Poor visibility due to darkness or heavy rain only amplifies the fear.
Not wanting to give up
While driving, I refuse to give in to the panic attacks. I want to keep driving myself and not, for example, let my girlfriend take over. However, there was one time it got so overwhelming that I took the next exit off the highway and switched drivers. I’m afraid that if I give in, it could eventually lead to a complete fear of driving. That’s why I try to apply a form of exposure therapy, forcing myself to stay behind the wheel and keep my anxiety under control.
Fear of the ‘autopilot’
Sometimes I realize that driving happens almost automatically. While completely lost in thought, I move from point A to point B. When I suddenly become aware of how fast and dangerous it actually is, fear sets in. I want to stop these thoughts to prevent panic, but that often backfires. The harder I try to let it go, the stronger the fear becomes, and the more difficult it is to break free from that spiral.
How do I deal with this panic attack?
The most important thing is to realize that I’m mostly driving myself crazy in my head.
Those thoughts only make the problem worse.
That’s why I try to accept my thoughts and then focus on what I feel.
I do this by consciously engaging my senses.
What works best for me is placing my hand on my stomach and focusing on the movements and sensations I feel there.
My hand moves gently up and down with my breathing. By focusing on this, I notice myself calming down.
It’s completely normal for the fear of driving to resurface now and then.
When it does, I acknowledge the feeling, accept it, and redirect my attention back to my breathing and the movement of my hand.
In this way, I stay as calm and in control as possible.